A Memoir of A Sadistic Sociopath's Abused Sucker

Chapter 1 - THE WHO, WHAT, WHEN

This is my memoir of a relationship with an architect who lives in Hong Kong. Recently he calls himself a Sex God (I would say mediocre at the most, unless God means "Oh God, be more creative!") Many critics had discounted my relationship with him; some may call I have a pen pal friendship with him; some called it a glorified generous friendship gone wrong, some even called it was just a fantasy. To me, it was one of my most devoted full-blown relationship, I have worked and spent as much time and efforts if not more on him than in other relationships I have had. We just didn't live together in the same continent full time. Imagine your spouse is sent to a foreign military station for work months at a time. That was what I had in mind. The pre-drug version of him probably was the Love of my Life.

This is a whole nine-yard of how this person span a 40 months long confidence game on me, without accounting this last 12 months of suffering post-traumatic stress disorder.  This is a story of the good, the bad, the evil (It didn’t stop at evil,) and he had infected me with HIV for two years before I found out. YES, he said he was STDs free many times when we met. Those 40 months of illusion of romance, mental abuse, yo-yo manipulation, loss of my life saving money, all because this conscienceless Polish who already had a large sexual appetite to begin with, got addicted to more sex but under drug influence such as GHB, Crystal Meth, Viagra, Ecstasy, etc.

It only took a time span of six months (Nov 2014–May 2015) for Con being somewhat a fluffy lovable with a belly, yet super handsome decent guy who appeared to be genuinely charming and caring shape-shifting into a soulless gory chameleon Gremlin of sins — a chest-poundingslimy-narcissistic Rice-Queen¹ bully who must play devil's advocate and win in all conversations; a sodemy-obsessed-serialadulterer who juggles 3 to 4 lovers at a time along with dozens "friends-with-benefit" a.k.a. fu*kbuddies to feed his sexual needs; an immoralcompulsive- liar who trips on his own excessiveoutrageous-illogical tall tales; an unethicalsycophantic-manipulator who utilizes every person he meets as a piece of puzzle-steppingstone solely to benefit himself; and a vengefulopportunistic-embezzler who blatantly robs others money to over-reach a lifestyle he simply cannot afford — exploits much of my:

A) Addicted to persistent patience

B) Irresponsible selfish devotion

C) Compassionate credulity

D) Insecure and desperation

E) Beyond stupid level of naïvety

F) All of the above. An epic loser is absolutely not an overstatement.

I do not want to name the architect throughout the story, a story so surreal it almost sounds like a fable-like horror fiction. In fact from this point on, I would just refer to this person as the “Con"

as a Con-Artist. AND YES, it's a true story that had happened to me, I could still vividly see it replay in my mind, from the first time we met, the sex to the tortures. It is a cold harsh reality check everyday at noon when I have to swallow two HIV pills. It reminds me of Con, the love of my life who is also the most vicious conniving human being I have ever met. YES, I was only one of his many intended victims, a collateral sucker. If he is reading this now, I bet you he has a grimacing smirk on his face. He would be upset about being exposed in such defenseless detail, I would like to hear how many more outrageous tall lies he can whip up to explain each incident or situation described throughout these 16,000+ words. At the same time, he wouldn't be able to keep it to himself so proud of what he has accomplished — able to continuously torture, punish, succeed over me, who had to be locked beneath him to leverage the power of loaning money to him. His ego turned his heart away from me just because a narcissistic ego has to avenge when losing control and power.

As his friends, family or co-workers, it's very understandable that you disagree with me while reading this. I would too, I would defend him if not more, especially within the first 8 months after we met in person. He was healthy, drug-free, funny, adorable, handsome and humble enough to claim he isn't too good of a person. I should've believed him and walk away, but instead I defended him to the T at the time. Why? Because he was a million dollar to me, he presented himself with poise, such a non-threatening gentlemen; offering to pay before you pull out your wallet; he would accompany you to shop at

IKEA to offer his expertise; SMS you before you wake up, making sure saying good night before your eyes shut. Soon, when he wants to be closer, he would tell you all calamities befall him, he suffers from many many rounds of misfortunes from unrewarding work life in Asia;

misunderstood by his lover(s) who he always uses a set of standardized descriptions: immature like tween girls; yep too much and never listen; throw crazier tantrums worse than toddlers. He would tell you how much he had given especially financially but remunerated with endless extreme unjust opposition and condemnation. Those speeches address and explain his cases, so extremely convincing and you almost forget to ask why there were so many exes and incidents faulted and go against him. If we are in an open court, he would be the alleged defendant trying to sell the jury he is the front and center innocent, misunderstood victim who was setup for failure because he was too kind and trustful.

He would proactively praise you, munificently shower you with what you love to hear in the most effortless ways, that you are the best at what you do, that your hello SMS has made his day. If you are lucky, he would surprise you with one or two extremely generous gifts to secure your trust, trusting that he is a great great friend, partner or lover. He started to frequently use a line stolen from me, "You are the BESTEST!" He picked up a lot of my good attribution, he is a fast learner, he learned many skills I have from social interaction, in bed, also my knowledge and noticed my expertise so picking my brain to enhance his work. Do not forget about auditing my net worth and see how much I have saved up, etc... Essentially, he had sucked me dry, used me to the maximum I could possibly give to another human being.

Later on you will see how he then tossed me away like a carton of long-expired milk with his disgusted face, fumed with anger, proclaiming never want to see or talk to me again with extreme hatred. The reason was no reason but he was either high or coming down from drugs, along with lack of sleep and more importantly was to avoid any responsibilities such as loanpayments, explanation of his wrong doing etc.

And this is why he has burnt most of the bridges, collected uncountable personal and work enemies. His entire adult life is a series of misfortune, products of his immaturity, shadiness, selfishness and mishandling in all situations. For those who would cough up credit for him putting up such a good show for this long, first, feather flocks together, you are probably a sociopath too. Second, if you are not blind or mentally-challenged that you would know the truth ALWAYS always prevails, sooner or later, then shame and karma will always come after the con-artists. It is actually not a very good deal if you weigh the pros against the cons...

The purposes he sells you how many unfortunate events violated him, and how many people hate him are 1) to mentally prepare you before more of debt collectors, crazy ex-lovers, online stories about him surfacing; 2) to victimize himself. Do me a favor and ask yourself, who do you know personally in your life time was a sole victim of so many misfortunes and bad events? Who would have a series of many "crazy-exes" one after another like he described that he was such innocent victim? And all these "crazy-exes" did not know each other before-head but united after to speak up against him? I honestly do not know anyone, I have spent my adult life in 4 metropolitan cities, in 2 continents, I have met so many people, he was the only person with this kind of rep sheet. The one and only thing of these stories and exes have in common is Con himself. Use your intelligence to take a wild guess what is wrong with his picture? Was he a victim? OR maybe just maybe, he was the source of all these things which happened to him? ASK YOURSELF

HONESTLY! For a sociopath, when he is able to get your pitty, that's a win for the first base.

Therefore, DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR HIM! Well, obviously I do not practice what I preach, I

ENDED UP BELIEVING EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME like what you are doing if he is speaking to you currently, the devil sold me all his stories and more, because I gave him pitty... That was the beginning of the end, he soon stole my happiness, my health, my dignity and my selflove and my life saving.

Welcome to the Sociopath Confidence Game ...

Spring 2013, Con and I acquainted in the most predictable way — Grindr², which is a mobile app for gay men this era. For the past decade I have spent a lot of time in Hong Kong to visit a sick parent. Those trips usually lasted no more than two weeks before 2014 because I have built a life in New York City for almost twenty years. Out of boredom, I logged onto Grindr, just to ask around what’s happening in the gay scene in Hong Kong.

As you may think “yeah right!? Give me a break!

This is an app for quick sexual encounters!”

Truthful to god, for weeks I have slept in a 35 inches wide military bed barely made 6 feet long squeezed into a 10 square-feet stuffy room between my parents’ bedrooms. I would imagine anyone in my shoes would want to find someway or somewhere for an escape somehow.

On the other hand, I am not an egoist, and by soaking spending my 30s in this City of the

World, New York, didn't help boosting my ego at all. I have developed a complex of insecurity under racism, homophobia, etc. Meanwhile, through years of visits back to Asia, I actually turn many many heads, but just not here in

America. According to others, my 6 foot tall above average built decent handsome face Chinese is considered quite good looking, I guess... but deep down, I am still not buying it. Being a gay Asian in New York is almost like a Kit-Kat cookie bar at a dessert buffet, you know it's good, but it's not a prime time dessert and there are always many leftovers on the table. Why? That will be a separate story to tell... I am a Chinese who was born and raised in Hong Kong, spent late teens and early 20s in Los Angeles, started working in

San Francisco and now New York City. I have gained many good friends along the way, made a few mistakes, fell in love, heartbroken more than a few times. I had never met someone like Con who would torture so conniving to someone who had whole-hearted devoted to lend a hand when he most needed. Utmost premeditate ungrateful that he is as a human being cannot be overstated. Con had found me almost instantly as I was a fresh face on the app in the area. Con and I, we hit it off by expressing our struggles for being in a long-term relationship. I haven’t mentioned yet when I had been in a monogamous relationship for almost six years. As much as Con and I obviously had a mutual strong physical or should

I say pictorial attraction to each other, I made sure to let him know I wasn’t planning on to cheat on my partner even though I was suffering a three-year sexless drought. Soon we jumped from messaging each other only on Grindr to

Whatsapp SMS, until we knew it, we had become a growing part of each other's life, as virtual pen pals, a few SMS turned into hundreds turned phone calls.

I recall his "praise-description" of my frequent

SMS interruptions to his work day as breath of fresh air. He used to love my long and over the top SMS, and attention. We enjoyed our common interests in working out, design, art architecture.

Besides our skin color, we share an almost identical background story, we are both gay living far far away from motherland as a minority who have similar daily struggles. I WANT TO STATE

THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS LISTEN. I do speak a lot but I do listen. Especially I was beyond being patient with him, I had spent hard work, money, money money and time on him. Later on his misfortune of losing in law suit against his partnered firm, he became or I should say he claimed he was depressed, tired, unhappy, I have been his virtual Dr. Phil for a 35 months, and at the end you will only see everything he used to love about me had turned into his complaints that I do not listen, I know it all, and I do not deserve the truth. And it would be his new material to victimize himself asking for pitty from others.

Chapter 2 - THE GOOD - the charming facade before the storm

When we first met, Con was a normal gay Polish in a metropolitan area, ate healthily, gymed often, living quite a young urban professional life style. He moved to Hong Kong from Warsaw around 2008. Standing at an admirable 6 foot 1 with bright blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair, his charisma was abundance with poise, swag and charm. He bragged about being a girl-magnet since before he knew how to spell. Translation, he gets what he wants. Who doesn't want to be a good looking self-confident Caucasian in this state and age. It was not hard to believe especially in the most unpredictable way we started to build a bond, a bond at the time we were both thrilled and enthusiastic about. He always knew exactly what to say and soon enough my guard disappeared and we become very at ease with each other. Another strange fate fact is that, both my boyfriend and Con were born on exactly the few hours apart, because Poland is

7 hour ahead so, his birthday was on 25th, and the NY birthday was 24th same month and year.

That freaked me out a little when I first found out.

In hindsight, his self-confidence was an admirable attraction; I would never in a million years to witness this ticking cancer bomb morphing into a self-absorbed narcissistic sociopath. All you need is to add some illegal substance abuse, perfect recipe to turn the best guy into a Gremlin.

We didn’t meet over that summer or fall,

Thanksgiving Christmas went by and 2013 was wrapped. We stayed on virtual communication;

he was prompt, a perfect gentleman, thoughtful, pleasant, positively mature and extremely attentive are not enough to describe how sincere he was at this point.

Since day one we have met online, I have always been honest on my position of my monogamy boundary. His SMS swept my feet off, i.e. “I cannot wait to get my hands on your ass...” “I have never had such a big crush on someone I haven’t met in person!” “you are so Haaawt!” or

“As long as you are not married i would fly to NYC to snatch you away from your boyfriend.” If you can imagine those spoken words in his high pitch voice with heavy polish accent; it was uniquely charming.

After months of flirting, chatting, maybe because the entice of the forbidden tree, or maybe it’s his over the top gestures and sugar-coated flattery in a persistent way, maybe I was just hanging on to the idea of “THE ONE,” I ended up cheating on my relationship and met up with Con. We decided to meet up at Icon Hotel on a Thursday evening in

April 2014 after one of his business trip. Sparing the details except it sparked a fire, the chemistry between us was beyond anything I had experienced before. Before we stepped out the hotel room he couldn’t stop kissing me. His immediate SMS from taxi ride home he claimed he was scared because he loved every second of our few hours of gathering.

From this point on, we were pretty much soaked with fuzzy warm feeling all the time. When we had to depart from each other after a short meal or motel meet up, we were like two wet blankets tangled together, we kept turning our heads to see if the he or I would turn around to see our back shadow fading away. See the Whatsapp screengrabs on this page.

Before you know it, an 1-night stand would turn into a full-blown half-baked affair. Not too much sooner, this affair that would lead to years of emotional, health, mind and financial torture.

Chapter 3 - THE BAD – gotten worse

When we started to gather for meals or bar hopping for drinks, instead of a martini he rather enjoyed his Diet

Coke. He claimed no drugs and do not smoke gave me an impression of a great head on his shoulders. I was thinking to myself, what a great guy... On top of it, I am a sucker for talent in crafts and art because his work is amazing, was amazing when he was drug free. I admired his achievement at work being a creative director and a partner in a local 5-partner architecture firm with mainly

Mainland Chinese clients.

Before we had sex I asked him multiple times if he was

STD free, and he said yes every time. After that early spring trip 2014, I didn’t make it back to Asia until July.

Between those three months apart we have exchanged 650 photos and thousands of SMS. Although he had his reservation. He kept hinting he isn’t a too good of a person and I kept defending him for him because he seemed like a million dollar to me. I adored him. I fell in love.

Fast forward to late May 2014 I stopped him beating the bush around and I confronted him about that reservation he had. Finally he admitted he lied about his HIV status.

He is HIV positive. His excuse for lying was I wouldn’t meet him if he had been honest. He apologized and I reinforced on the phone and told him, “I fell in love with you so it doesn’t matter!”

I returned to HK in July. That Summer I was in cloud nine and beyond, elated, blissful, excitement, butterflies in the stomach that I haven’t felt since 2000, I must say I miss all those feelings but I am not sure if it was worth it for the hardship came after and there is a big chance he was all just acting to get what he needed. We had our sexencounter for three hours at a time at the Mingles or

Butterfly motel. We were beyond electric in bed. Playful yet very sexy and most of all we were extremely attracted to each other mutually and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s body features, scent and sweat. It is not easy for me to experience equal attraction when meeting a mate.

Either they were too into me or I liked them too much, or vice versa. Con and I were like we have met in our previous lives, we got very comfortably compatible with each other quite fast. I thought to myself "this is so cute!"

"Us're so cute!" Everything was almost perfect, it would be more perfect if we could thoroughly spend a entire night together in a bed. He knew that all along that's what

I dreamed of, that's the motivation to do all that I have done for him. The sociopath him knew that's a card he could play me for years to come. Later on he conditioned me by constantly neglected me for days then sending me a couple encouraging SMS giving with a glimpse of hope.

I have become his little starved lap-dog, loyally pitching in and thankful for a bite to eat.

After extending the trip twice, a few days before flying back to NYC, on October 23, he surprised me with a

HK$12,500 duotone Bvlgari ring. A ring I fell in love with for awhile and had been wearing a replica version since we met. A ring is a commitment, and his thoughtfulness moved me. I have immediately booked the next few round rep fights just to secure his hopes and feelings.

It cannot be more brutally true when they say happy time flies! Because the truly happy time carefree time was all in 2014. That was it. Between leaving Asia in late October

2014 and coming back in Chinese New Year 2015 February was about 10 weeks. My theory is if I meet my “THE ONE”

at age 40, we have only a good 20-25 years to be having and sharing experience with each other, we should grab the bull by the horns and use every valuable second and minutes. The reason why I have always been trying to be in touch with him in any kind of communication as possible, to keep the connection going. You can called me sweet and attentive, or devoted if you like/love me, but if you have something to hide, you'd find me annoying and controlling.

2014 Christmas he flew back to his hometown by Warsaw with his boyfriend. Remember he was still employed and making HK $75,000 monthly salary. He splurged, flew business class round trip, brought tons of gifts, took on a role of the return established successful son/brother/cousin war hero/Santa Claus to his friends and family. Hence, he had stacked up a enormous amount of credit card debt thinking he would just pay it off in

2015. He lived like a celebrity with an just OK salary. He never learnt saving money for rainy days and he put his annual income tax of 15% on his AmEx. He really act like he were an American. And this is the tip of the ice-berg to hit for his following series of unfortunate events, and our

Titanic romance became collateral damage and he would use me for his ATM, meals and gifts provider.

He was very upbeat and good in replying my SMS up until the New Years 2015. A couple of days he was replying and it was understandable of the roaming issue. I always thought to myself THIS IS THE TURNING POINT, this trip has changed him. Since he sees sex as a sport and he has quite a big appetite with that department, after the

Bvlgari ring before I left HKG, we had an agreement that he would only have casual sport sex with his five frequent-sex-partners. It was a promise he couldn’t keep for more than a month. He had met his eve who brought him the first forbidden fruit, they had Chem-sex³ as know as party and play during this trip. He later on confessed, I have SMS to prove and he specifically said he is not able to climax when he does Chem-sex.

Note: he had always been anti drinking and anti drugs due to his daily HIV medication already have his liver kidney loaded, may have been a factor for that reason.

Therefore all along he got addicted to drugs was farthest from my mind.

The Con we all loved, the worked-out Con, successful Con was gone with him on that trip in 2014. Ever since 2015, the shortfused skinny heartless Con had flown back with him to Hong Kong. The next few months of unfortunate events, he was forced out from his partnership and his boyfriend was hospitalized due to his infidelity, drug addiction and stress.

16 hours flight flying direct back to Asia is not an easy trip everytime. But not this outbound from Newark to Hong

Kong, this was the first trip after I received the ring, I couldn't wait to see him again, my "THE ONE."

The minute I checked into my parents', I dashed to see him. he first act a little distanced, but I thought it was only normal, and his friends were there at the bar Tentra.

Then somehow his normally short-fuse personality, for some reasons it went even shorter! It would be easier to predict when Dr Banner turns into the Incredible Hulk, because the next 45 minutes, I could have never think that would turn out to be our first BIG fight! Especially I just landed, and I brought him a pile of stuff he ordered and gifts I bought. After Tentra, Con and I went further to the west side back to his home (I always escorted him home before I took the subway back to my parents'.) The light casual conversation went from he explaining

Australian government does not sponsor HIV patients to apply for residency independently to Con screaming at me for being ignorant by my fact-less response on the street.

Well, I thought being on his side to be supportive of his

HIV status, so I said "Then I don't need to visit there then, hate the homophobe Oz!" That somehow ticked him off

(Now I know, that must be a sign of coming down from his drug use at chem sex with his drug buddies.) He raised his voice first by lecturing me in public on streets of

Sheung Wan, "Its a waste of time going out to bars, I fucking hate drinking!" (Well Now I know because drugs and sex is more enjoyable and "productive" for him.)

Then yelling at me for how naive I am, childish, and ignorant on produce from the Oz! It is because it's thousandS times better than USA's. Moreover, he discounted all cities of USA (except NYC) which are not even close to how nice Australian's. He stormed away when I tried so so hard to defend myself by explaining my supportive position, he basically made up his mind and shut down, and condemning me for being wrong by expressing my opinion for no reason and without any fact. I always do not read through my research and believe half of what people said. He called me names, I am a "Know It All," "I do not listen," and I am a narcissist. (Now I know that was a complete deflection of his state of mine, coping from skipping a Chem-sex session or coming down from the drugs from previous weekend.) I was so frustrated (so so so frustrated) and at that moment, I was thinking to myself, WTF Who is he? I wanted the Con from 2014 not this explosive argumentative angry Polish. I begged him asking what went wrong behind this weird night, then I started to cry.

He brushed me off half pushed me away when I tried to grab his arm, I slipped and fell on the top of some ancient cement staircase and cut myself and bled profusely.

My wrist wasn't the only part of me started bleeding from that night. My heart hasn't stopped bleeding ever since.

While I am writing this, my heart still twists and turns and ache. That night was the beginning of the end of his push and pull torture and manipulations.

Nevertheless, since his Warsaw Christmas, the more I tried to connect the less he offered on any level, from communication to intimacy. I tried a few times to cut the losses and lets be just friends. He then would passive aggressively talked me back into it, told me he needed me, etc. But his action never matched his words. I guess it was the side effect of the high and low, ups and downs of his busy work life and his binged Chem-sex marathons.

When I look back I should cut ALL tides with him right there at least I would have saved myself HK$160,000 of interests. But nope, I stayed. He would be a little nicer, texted me he misses me so so much if I stopped SMS for a day. His short-fuse doesn't last more than 12 hours for people he loves, he claimed. He apologized, sweet-talked me the next day. Frankly our interaction and relationship had never been the same as 2014 before his Poland trip.

Intimacy practically stopped. He is a master of passive aggressive play, he returned any communication in a highly controlled manner, starved me of what I craved for, so when he fed me just two Hello SMS, he would be much appreciated elatedly.

He would casually set a date or planned a meal with me in order to get his loan easier, because I have asked him clearly, "Con, please do not disappear after you cash the cheque? Let's dinner on Thursday?" Of course he say of course. Predictably when time got closer for the confirmation he would either missing in action and disconnect for days, as I called "I was being muted." Time has come and gone, he was still ignoring my calls. He knew ignoring me is the one button to push to get me upset and react, hack, wouldn't anyone be upset when deserted high and dry? He then span any of my reaction against me, it would become the main issue to be debated with, I was damned and guilty of tsunami of SMS. Hence, his issue of where he had been or what or why he abandoned the plan and me for days were not important.

He successfully painted me as a immature crazy crying baby, turned any situation into my fault, and he deliberately diverted the attention to my ridiculous amount of SMS. What actually went wrong with the flaky date was not the focus anymore. He rarely needed to explain why he flaked or missing for days with no communication. If he tried, he would just use his work was too busy as an excuse. I ended up always to be the person apologizing for SMS overage, when he probably got my deposit to pay rent and drugs to binge group sex for a couple days. He actually was so naturally playing the shifting blame game, he didn't see he had a problem but believes I was the entire problem, he was just busy at work (well if drug and sex is downlow, in his world it never counts). He ended up just told me off and said "You are an unnecessary load. I do not need you!" It was like a knife went into my heart, he said this shortly after the sixth, final loan.

Imagine this tactic, he practiced and repeated on me almost once every week, this is a recipe for brainwashing someone into a battered wife or a kidnap-sex-abused victim relationship. The most powerful way to mindcontrol someone without applying physical force and the victim is conditioned to be trapped in his world and always loyal and stay by his side. I guess that is why I was conditioned to be there for him as long as I did. 40 months is a long time for giving so much with almost nothing in return.

He knew so well how head-over-heel I was with him, instead of requiting the gesture, he decided to use me from this point on to the maximum. I remember he posted an Instagram photo with a quote "Don't give a fuck!" I guess it echoes his state of mid of losing his conscience.

He would not cut me off but leave me some bread crumbs to lead me on, let me masturbated him once at a movie in

Pacific Place, pretending I was still in the picture, he licked my neck to ear once after I transferred $25,000 to his new Charter Bank account then squeezed me for a total $160,000. Those were the two intimate incidents between April 2015 till March 2017. Yet he never cut it off with me, and hopeless me was in a drought, thirst for his mercy drops of attention. He knew all these and he did not care if that was mentally torturous, he just did not care, all he wanted was not to burn my bridge in case whatever he needs assistance.

Until this point in 2017, Con had led me on to keep investing into "us", pretending we would have a future.

He dangled sex in front of me so I would chase it like a horse sees a carrot. I became his escort-ticket to meals he normally could afford. I have spent US$4,500 in 2015 summer dining out with this con-man. In September 2015

I started loaning him money, SIX separate wired transfers, the second time he needed money, he asked me out to have dinner, the FIRST thing he gave me when I sat down was his new Chartered Bank account number written on a piece of paper. He then asked me if he could have a second loan. When I asked what it was for, he rolled his eyes and told me this was its a credit card payment and told me the hundredth time! What an ass! Who knew he used it to rent a new apartment without letting me know so he could live is single promiscuous life on Crystal Meth and chem-sex in orgies and saunas. he never cut off with me, he always gave me hope for a future while he was juggling his Chem-sex life work life and Grindr life. He has just been distracted and busy, he was buying time to audition for his new milk ticket. If he couldn't dock on a better boat with a US citizenship, this silly resourceful lapdog who was the only one trusting him enough to lend him HK$160,000 would more than happy to marry him! In

February 2017, he thought he had secured this new relationship/fiance of his, paving his way to be a NYC citizen. Therefore it was also okay to cut me out completely.

The following Whatsapp conversation happened one month before I narrowed down to one person to confront if he and Con were a pair at the time. He graciously admitted it. Since then we have established a friendship. I found out through him officially dating since January 2017 through Chem-sex. They have met 2 years before via

Chem-sex also. AND Con had sex with him at his own place, because he already moved out from his boyfriend for years living alone since 2015 March.

On Con’s Polish trip in Christmas 2014, he later on told me he hooked up with a rich Polish 24yo and they chem-sex.

He specifically mentioned he liked it a lot but he didn't had a climax when he Chem-sex. Polish kid flew to HK in spring to stalk Con. His BF went into a crazy depressed stage according to Con. Who knows if he was telling the truth. I asked him once why he did it with Polish kid, he said it would be easier to leave his BF for me. It was cute when he said it, but now I realize it was just another tall talk to get out of responsibility. He was just bull shitting me to defend his cheating action let me to be responsible!

If he needed an excuse Con has dozens of Hong Kong

“Friends-with-benefits” on speed dial to leak to break up his relationship. Nevertheless, maybe drugs and sex addiction didn't change him, it was just an instigator to open him up and brought out the true him. Meth enhances self-esteem for the insecured ones. For Con, he turned into an egomaniac, who lives without reservations and conscience, a terrible calculated user, a con-man, someone who plays with others' kind heart. It is now understandable that he stopped using protection becasue he only cares for his joy and pleasure and whatever beneficial to him one and only but no one else's.

Chapter 4 - THE EVIL - BALEFULLY MANIPULATION

From months of investigation and research, after interviews with multiple sources – a hairstylist, two drug dealers, his current exfiancé/ boyfriend, a French Chem-sex buddy, then I cross referenced with my timeline, along with Con's off the wall dysfunctional behavior, drastic weight-loss, and demeaning personality changes. I discovered Con had been Chem-sexing³ (having sex under illegal substance influence) for years, almost the same time he gave me the ring. His choices of drug are Crystal Meth, GHB and Viagra. And the time line matches up because the my first

2015 arrival evening he act like Con was switched with an evil twin from Freaky

Friday, he act like spoiled jackass, judgemental and extremely explosive. As I have mentioned earlier, due to some small indifferent opinion on Australian produce, he brushed me off some stairs and I was injured.

Matching with the evidence, at this time he had already started his Chem-sex life and started to pretend everything was picking up, from his job prospect to amount of freelance work. In other words, he decided to go downlow with this large part of his life without letting me know. Being a hopeless romantic and my devotion had blinded me by his 2014 self. When I asked him, at least once a week, for intimate time, he would say he wasn’t in mood or tired, he was depressed, or told me to leave my boyfriend first. But I told him we are just roommates, we do not have sex... meanwhile I asked him how did he justified he lives with his ex and sex him all the time!

For six weeks I was in Hong Kong, he graced us a mercy-f*cked on April 28 2015, it was worse than pulling teeth, he could not wait to get that over with, and half of the act was unprotected. Later on I found he already moved into his bachelor pad living alone and away from his ex while I was in HK, living alone. He made me to pay for the motel for us to hook up. He kept this as a secret until 2017

March. This feels such the most insulting betrayal, a punch in my self-worth, non-stop slaps on my stupid naive face. He is such a tool, what an evil manipulative sociopathic rat, pretending he had to sneak around to be with me behind his BF's back. Being in such pain shuffling his life between work, his ex and me. In reality, I am just part of his plan to be used later on as an ATM, a lapdog who barks when he asks, sits when he says. In fact

I am an obstacle a baggage who is in his way of Chem-sexing others, took away his precious time, according to users, a Chem-sex hour seems like one-minute, time flies very fast when doing it, that's why users always missing daily chores, work deadlines, late or omit any appointments, lack of sleep, etc. Besides being 180 from previous hookups in

2014, when he was being so complementary told me how good I was in bed, this was quite a dry encounter. Was he the same person? Or he had changed! That was the very last time we had any sexual contact. I tried to request a sit down, talk on phone or face to face with him to talk about where we were at, what we were, how we are panning out as a couple etc, he just passively avoided at all causes, using he couldn't talk about emotional needs, he had no capacity to take on a conversation like that. However later on in 2017 he would tell me, when he needed me emotionally, I wasn't there. He accustoms whatever excuse suitable for the occasion. It was never logical, when he wanted me to stay yet he wanted to have his

Chem-sex life, he tried to avoid me at all cause and request for space to let him concentrate on his work-as-priority. Later on, he would call me out and told everyone I was not there for him when he needed emotional support. What an ass!

The next two years he used sex as part of baits to keep me around for his joy of manipulation. He could borrow money then let ego run wild to demean my existence. His playbook was to keep me interested never cut off our relationship. If I decided to fade away, he would SMS me how much he misses me, then I kept showering him attention, expensive gifts, hand carried fresh bagels from NY to him. That 2015 trip during

March/April was hard, and he refused to read this email I sent to say goodbye because he felt sad and lonely. I loved him so much and he said he wanted me to stay because he had no fulltime job and no support. So for the next year, he was jobless, seemed like he had so many small freelance jobs he rarely called back or be prompt on dates. From September 2015 to

April 2016, he had borrowed six separate loans from me, average HK $25,000 each. For the record, from mid-2014 to 2015 April, we had around 8 times intimate time in some hourly rental motels. Between 2015 April til I found out all his lies in March 2017, I was basically a naive dumb fool who believed he was depressed and tired from work, since then I had been hoping and waiting for one day he would become sexually active again

(towards me at least) … who knew he never had a problem with sex, he just has a problem with sex without drugs and the thrill of having it unprotected in many anonymous orgies or saunas. I am not sure if a filthy piece of scum, a gay community disgrace is enough to describe what he had been doing and the manipulation he had span on me. He probably has a section of STD, and their medication/side effects listed next to the reference along with his high and fuckability rating membership status at all gay saunas on his glowing job resume.

I have found out much later from his new exfiancé boyfriend that the time when I loaned him the money was the time he had moved out on his own. Con had been broken off from his boyfriend since late 2015. He didn’t tell me he needed the money for the rent he told me the money was for his credit cards but back in my mind I recalled his credit cards were all cut off.

My dream from day one we met at Icon Hotel in April 2014 was to spend an ENTIRE night sleepover, cuddling, hugging, sharing dreams in one bed without rushing through the sex and get him home before his boyfriend found out. That literally became just my dream all along. He has no heart, he could give me just that because he has moved out for years and he decided not to, but yet kept me within his arms-reach to toy me around for his advantages. Tortured me with my hope and dreams. He is an inhumane cold blooded monster.

He had been using too busy with his boyfriend for almost on all occasion for not being able to call or SMS me. He had been manipulating me for what he wanted and never wanted to be with me or spends nights with me. All he told me was he was tired, his boyfriend is onto him all the time and he is depressed and not sexual. Time after time I asked for intimacy time, those were his typical excuses. I would even suggest renting a room for a few hours to hold and hug. He would find a way to back out. Now I knew he was in his haze of bathhouse crystal meth

Grindr sex journey. Having public sex in his fire escape hallway for days or loaded up with

GHB, Viagra and Meth then camping out in a

MongKok sauna steam room to the marathon penetration of every patron who would step in his sight without protection was his highlight.

On the other hand I was a hopeful fool who had been waiting. When he purposely didn’t communicate with me, especially a few times he would disappear unreachable after I sent him money, I got upset and I would go off the slope to SMS him more than 100 times. He used that as a way to tell me I pushed him away I was crazy and controlling when he was so busy with work(And have sex parties at his new sex nest rented with my loans.)

The email below, he mentioned he was victimized by my delayed unwilling breakup with my boyfriend. He told his French girlfriend the same script. She asked me a few times "Don't you have a BF? I always thought she knew all along and why she kept asking?"

I told her, so does Con! Meanwhile she did not know what kind of excuses he used to play me around. He omitted to tell me he moved out because he didn't want to pressure me...

that almost made sense. If you have known, he used his boyfriend's surveillance as an excuse to either avoid my dates or missing in action for days at a time. For the fact that I had been asking him at least half dozen of times every trip, face to face or even SMS to sit down to talk about "Where are we as us?

Friends? Fu*kbuddies? etc" He either said his work is top priority no time to speak of love, his brain could not function that way, please not to pressure his already hectic life, I was supposed to be his listener and helper... OR passively avoid the topic, and if he promised to come out to talk over a meal, he would not say anything. He was that good of a Bull-Sh!t manipulator. Why he didn't cut it off with me?

Because he is a coward and a tool! Who would know he was gang-banging every patron who walked into the steam room at Wu Tong gay sauna? It was he and his Caucasian Buddy's fu*kathon competition almost like Friday

Night Football! Rules are simple, who can bareback more Asian asses wins.

Then he mentioned I left him dealing with all these misfortune alone? I was like, I lended you money, thats not alone... He said he needed me not just money... But i said you were always with his exI And I helped him and i wanted to help more, then he just changed topic. He was the one who had been

Chem-sex and fu*k the entire Hong Kong island. If he was still living with his ex and living/dining together, why couldn't I do the same? When I wanted to talk he ducked. I really think he believes whatever he had made up, and completely compartmentalizes the Chem-sex part as it has nothing to do with anything else. His work was not affcted by the drugs, being mean and demeaning to me was not about the drugs, and I was the one who took everything away from him, I made him cheated on his ex with a crazy stalking

Polish, I made him to lose his job and he was high as a kite walking into an office meeting was all my fault too.

When I found out he had moved out, I told him our loan contracts stated he had to give me his new address, he blatantly rejected the idea, guess what his excuse was? He was afraid I would kill his new ex-fiance! His drug use must have eaten part of his brain. The only bone I have with anyone would be just

Con himself. His drugs crooked his moral, his conscience, priorities and logic. If he was afraid at least I know he knew he made a huge mistake and even I asked to make peace, his ego decided to just stick his head into the sand.

How do any future employers or design partners trust his work ethic? I do not know.

The only reason I can think of for him able to negotiate a $500K contract with a partner is

"partners at work, penis after work!" Besides making me feel bad, he made me feel so worthless and it was all my fault. I had put in so much work and money I didn’t have or I shouldn’t sell my IRA for, He disparaged my loans, demeaned my efforts, told me it's not a big deal and will be paid back. Then he said my overage SMS and myself were such a load he didn’t need, translation, I took over time on his phone in his way to plan his next orgy with new sex buddies and being high as a kite at work!

I guess I am a classic case of the battered wife, the more I got heated down I kept coming back for more abuse. I kept trying to do what I am best at, I thoughtfully thought of stuff and gifts he would like food he would want to surprise him trying to buy back attention and love. I remember the first week he started at Starbucks in July 2016, he said he only had $160 in his bank account could not afford lunch. I dashed to deposti

HK$1,200 for him to use even though he refused to meet me for weeks. He at this time already moved out on his own and busy working days, having wild Chem-sex nights, avoiding to see me, my entire 6 weeks staying in HK, he managed to see me twice and claiming he was just busy and lack of sleep.

When I saw him and hand-delivered NYC bagels to his work, he was yawning, short attention spend, skinny and got these huge scratched mosquito wounds on his arms, and couldn't wait to leave our 35 min early dinner.

I spent weeks to auction a US$650 Star Wars

Collectable coffee table book, an Supreme

US$400 baseball cap, until Dec 2016 I have given him US$400 Tom Ford glasses as his

Xmas gift. He was more than happy and gladly took them and still told me that we would start over when he was ready. He was never going to start over with me because he had been auditioning his next golden goose egg candidate for his possibility migration to

NYC. He had his eye on this younger and better version of me who also have US citizenship. They started to have a sexual relationship shortly after his Poland visit of his sick father and then by January 2016 they had become boyfriends. Which again I was in the dark I was still thinking I would take out the few thousand dollars I have left to move him to NYC and get married. And he will eventually want to be intimate with me again.

We were so compatible and attracted to each other there is no way the drugs could erase that part too. Well, I was wrong. Drugs to different people could have different effects. I read some articles on research of crystal meth, it could alter some people’s behavior, moral compass and diminish / destroy conscience.

When I found out all these tragedies and lies in March 2017, that was right after I delivered a box of belated Valentine's Day chocolate to him. He told me he was too busy to meet up for three weeks in a row. That was the last time I saw him in person. At that moment, he still used his ex-boyfriend as his excuse for busy. I wanted to take a photo with him, he told me "No, didn't you or haven't you made enough trouble in my life?" He was very scattered, at midnight still trying to reply 10 emails to vendors. He does not know how to type, it makes him look even more sketchy and shaky. I had sat there for 30 minutes before I asked him to run away and get married in NYC, he said, "Not yet, not yet." If

I have known he was hinting he already found and engaged to another New Yorker who was waiting for him to come home to the apartment I rented for him. Who would know?

A few days after, I pieced together a few tweets, instagram posts and facebook-posts, I decided to ask this New Yorker directly if he was seeing Con. Graciously he is a too good of a guy, well mannered and he admitted they first met for Chem-sex via Grindr 30 months before, they became friends but decided to reacquaint to develop a relationship in

January 2017. I do not remember how many times him and I chatted online and the phones. I cried literally for weeks. Every bit and pieces of information he told me was unbelievable and uncomprehensible. I could feel my head was exploding over and over when I heard "Con has been living alone... I am at his flat chatting with you now" He had been doing drugs almost daily since years ago, I also compared the information with two other acquaintances he knows. When he found out I already found out the information he hid from me, he literally was outted from his skeleton closet. He decided to hate me from then on, when I confronted him, he said

"I don't care, so what? Blow me now! LOL

HAHAHA, you wish!"

A Con's Chem-sex playmate, also his longtime

Barber told me, they had gamed more than a handful of times from 2015-16. While Con tried to become ultra attentive and friendly, in many occasions, he attempted to borrow large sum of loan from Barber, who was so much smarter than me, he kindly rejected. Since then, Con stopped calling Barber. Barber also told me he knew Con never had good intention. Whenever they met for a cut of hair or crystal meth, Con only bitched and moaned bad-mouthing his boyfriend, who is Barber's friend from the gecko.

All the premeditated lies and baleful manipulation, I do not know what made me to decide to rather make peace, forgive him if he apologize, even be civil and befriend after... For months, at least five months after

March 2017, I tried, I tried, I have tried so hard to contact him for peace-offering. I tried going through his ex-fiancé, I tried all different communication, it just reinforced my theory on his menace ego of how he enjoys seeing me failing to gain any grounds between us. Perhaps, that's the reason he stopped all intimacy with me in the gecko, just to show me who is the boss. He is always the boss and calling shots even though he needed to borrow money from me. The more I gave, the more he absorbed in a ominous way, but he would reciprocate subzero. His ego completely took control for demeaning every single thing and moment with me in his life, almost if he wish he could just tear pages from his journal with my footprint. So that he could pretend he had never asked for my financial help, because I remind him the everlasting smell of depression, and taste of defeats. Less taxis, more MTR; no more

Balenciaga sneakers or Prada whitebeaters, learn to be humble and less pretentious.

In summary, he wanted to have the cake and eat it, to kept me around if possible if he runs out of options. Like I said the truth always comes out and no one could rewrite history. A narcissist's worst nightmare is being dumped and being found out his lies and plans, they usually get more angry immediately and reflect all his problems onto you.

This memoir is a classic textbook case of a narcissist growing into a sociopath. I tried to verbally tell others but I never got to express

100% of how hurt and betrayed I have been.

The web-blog can reach thousands of readers from different part of the world. If anyone questions my truthfulness, please drop me a line at the question section I have all the evidence and references, Whatsapp transcripts, doctor's notes, etc to prove I have not been lying. The only liar in this story is

Con. I want take this chance to announce and tell the world what he had done to me and how much he owes me besides money. So

Mister Ego of Con, roll this up and smoke it if you want, I repeat, Con had borrowed from me in six different occasions, for more than

HK$160,000 in total. That doesn't count all those $500 bills he left with almost every time we met, or I had to refill his MTR subway card, etc. He will always and ever beneath me because he had asked for help and didn't even want to pay me back. If that's not egoistic and narcissistic, what else could it be? Trump?!

He knew my stand on lending him money, it was completely out of love and I had no intention to belittle him because he was in need. I was unemployed many times, I know how it feels and I have learned not to define myself with what I do for living. I reminded him so many times that didn't mean he couldn't be the boss.

His ego is the only one in this story who does not listen.

I chose to believe the good person was still in him, I had faith in the time we spent together that was real, so so real. By 2017, I was on my last rope. He has not been paying his signed loan payment on time and if he paid, it was always short. He treated my interests free loans as a "Pay-Whatever-Whenever"

promotion. The way he minimized my kind good Samaritan gesture to subzero, it really took a toll on my self-esteem and self-worth.

The betrayal was unbelievably hard to swallow. He made up stories to cut his payments short like he was too busy to go to

ATM to deposit, or he was tight with his

HK$75,000 monthly salary, yet he takes taxis everywhere, he pays $23,000 for rent, he would order in Burritos for $100 each, and

$1000/gram of crystal meth! Who does that when he still owes thousands and thousands to me and banks??? A sociopath. An ungrateful son-of-a-b*tch!

Sad news was, he was able to know what hurts me the most and went a home-run for it.

He claimed he hated me and he claims “not craving to communicate with me from then on.” I had lawyers drafted a letter to claim the loans in their entirety, he ignored it. I had loan officers to visit him to request payments, he threatened to sue me for disclosing his

Starbucks information on Starbucks Facebook page. From what I heard, Starbucks had put him on probation months prior to this saga unfolded for being tardy and missing deadlines. Nevertheless, his sociopathic self decided to not pay me back because it was all my fault because he got laid off by Starbucks in August 2017.

These were all his defense mechanism: Get angry faster louder than you, deflecting everything he was accused of, he would tell you you don't listen, so he didnt need to explain. Or he would claim you take drugs too because of ABC reasons, while you are asking him if he is taking any drugs. To avoid responsibilities for all his conscienceless decisions. His job loss, 4 maxed out credit cards, behind on rent in 2015, before he got laid off, he would spend HK$6,500 on a pair of mediocre Balenciaga high-tops and he got to have two pairs. He has Versace taste with an Old Navy budget. Saving money was never in his dictionary. unfortunately he couldn't hold on to his drug free life. His drug sex addiction basically was a quick fix for his unproportional size different between his ego and self-esteem. He thinks he is so much better than others which he constantly deflected that on me, saying I do not listen or

I know it all. I always told him I don't know it all, I wanted to learn more from him on

Architecture, etc... but hey, when someone is desperate for reasons and blames, it's easiest to blame the ones who never wanted to hurt you. but yet his income, social status and his ex-coworkers do not agree.

Well he decided to look for satisfaction through endless anonymous sex, lots of it, unprotected, and that's the only thing he could be proud of. Rumors said he is so addicted, he had to attend and organize an orgy at his hotel room after his father's funeral recently. He told others that he is a called RAW SEX GOD by his Chem-sex Meth circle peers. He always told me while pounding his chest that he's a master of a gifted penis. In my opinion, this is a classic case of insecurity, feeding his overeating ego, compensating his real-life failure by walking his dog, sniffing every street corner, favor quantity over quality on every butt and every hydrant just to score some thinner than his hair self esteem. When a shallow one defines his identity, by his job title and money, he is so vulnerable to get on a slippery drug slope.

Con is a classic example exhibit A.

I am in creative field too, as an artist if you cannot find a footing to try to make the most and find the joy between compromises you make and clients? Do not get into commercial creative businesses. Con is only talented at doing architecture design, in fact so admirably talented. However his lack of interpersonal skill and administration skill

(he's a Praying Mantis typer), too stubborn on demanding his taste and aesthetic reflection from his work, condemning clients' interests, led to isolation and dramatically booted from his last firm. From what I saw and heard from

Con, his exit was supposed to be compensated for 1/5 of the firm's worth, instead, he must be so hated by everyone

EVERY SINGLE hired stopped speaking to him, the firm shut its door filing bankruptcy in order to screw him over without paying him a dime. Funnily, they started a new shop new name somewhere else soon after.

Hindsight is always 20/20. In my opinion, Con has a complex of love-hate relationship with

Chinese. On one hand he is extremely attracted to Asians physically yet under his breath in more than handful of occasions, he had been straight up making many racist comments, spoke down to and against

Chinese. It's almost like the theory of men addicted to cheap prostitution, having sex with them almost like punishing them for payback. Who knows why he did it, maybe insecurity, maybe he thought his career was screwed by Chinese repeatedly or maybe just being narcissistic to self promo superiority.

Whatever his mental case is, I am the ultimate collateral damage! He took everything from me for granted, with no gratitude, stepping all over my dignity, diminished me to less than dust with no apologies, killing my selfesteem for his adrenaline rush. This is a perfect trace of a sociopath,"Heck, those

Chinese took so much away from me, I have no problem and not regret for a bit when I get it back from another Chinese, fair and square!

Plus this easy to manipulate Chinese is more than willing! I didn't even need to try hard!"

The latter part easy to manipulate was an actual quote from Con who repeated it a few times when he tried to convince everyone else

I spoke to about him was lying.

Chapter 5 – THE HIV

I picked my sorrow sorry self, landed back home to NYC in April 2017. The worst of my nightmare or you can call it Murphy's Law, or irony, I tested positive when I wanted to trial PrEP. As I recall, when Con and I were at the happier time, I have wished we didn't need protection to be closer to show him how genuine I was towards him, so I suggested to go PrEP in 2014. Con insisted me to do it until we moved and living in the same city when he was a caring gentleman. His reason was because more medication more damages to my body. I really wish I was Poz back then to be closer to him. Be careful of what you wish for. I was alright to live in a celibacy life with my 10-years boyfriend, who I cheated on with Con. Because of my low self-esteem and insecurity, I have had two additional acquaintance one-night-stands over the last 4 years. I had sex with Con about seven times from 2014-2015, I have received my other two acquaintances' confirmation for being negative. In other words, Con surely had passed his virus to me, yet when I told him, he fired back and suggesting I wasn’t truthful and he knew i had been promiscuous, he had nothing to do with my infection. I told him because I wanted him to know, and I am an adult, I was in love and we played unprotected at times, I am the one to blame.

If he treated me this horribly and I had always been nice, generous and bent over backward to extend my hand to help him. He is absolutely not a good person. At that moment, I started to realize the Con who I fell for would never come back. Meth and sex had taken over his conscience. When it was time to pay his agreed monthly payment, he attempted 5 payments, they were all at minimum 4 to 16 days late, even though I called or SMS him to remind him few days before due date. Moreover, they were all short, ranged from half to three-quarter short on payments.

The more I helped him, the smaller he made me felt, and he knew so well that's how to kept me around. He practically treated me like I didn't deserve any respect or gratitudes. Moreover, censuring my personality, admonished all my good work I put into us, so he could be guilt-free to chem-sex everyone on week-long binge; dismissed all my questions but able to keep me around to be his on-demand ego booster, gift-giver, bagel-delivery boy. He had no intention to be with me since 2015, he just played along until he couldn't then it's time to cut me off.

Con's action over those last 16 weeks was diminishing, degrading, and plain insulting. It could be the drugs influence and probably busy dating his new ex-fiance who they met through Chem-sex. He wasn't successful at his career but he manage to bring me down every single time! Gave me minimal attention; his ego had to find the weak links to step on in order to elevate from his low self-esteem, he has been low, and staying low. His message was very clear: it was my duty, honor and pleasure to help, it was never that big of the deal and my job was done, and I should disappear.

Con never was comfortable asking for financial help. He had no one to help him except me. I asked him why he didn't ask his spoiled bitchy French brat who he often bad-mouthed while they worked on freelance projects together for help, he shoaked his shoulders, its his face. His ego's retaliation had been terrorizing against my loans, my self worth, my hard earn savings, my generosity and kindness. I suspect besides drugs influence another reason he distanced himself to me was because he had to borrow from me. He had no choice, and the minute his ego felt smaller towards me, it was like a bucket of ice threw onto an erection — sex no more. I knew that all along, I had been telling him, loaning him was to help him, he could still and were still in the driver seat. That was not enough, his ego had to spin all the castigations to make me feel less than dust to retaliate. The betrayal, the shut off, all the lies and manipulation and the most of all, the denial of my hope for one-full-night with him, they were like a series of bomb explosions in my brain and heart, when I found out all the details from his ex-fiance on all the matters, it was like a soap opera shocked me to the core.

By the time I got my HIV result I already felt so numb, it was just like, wow this could not be more dramatic... a grand finale putting a cherry on my sundae-disaster. The nurse asked me if I was OK, and if I would consider suicide. I told him "Nah, but if you ask me 30 days prior, I would say yes, I wanted to die!"

I have told Con straight up that he had become a not good person, I am sure it was his Meth high deflective talk, he fired back and told me off, "Who the hell are you to judge me if I am a good person or not?" I thought about it for a second and answered,"I could because I had sold stocks and IRA to help you when you claimed you were starving and no money to live. Since then you lessen my existance and my helping effort, moreover, you belittle me to be someone you could just never see again! You are beyond a bad person, mixing with drugs you are evil!"

Come hell or high water, loans are indebted to be paid back. One way or another he has to settle the hard-earn money he stole from me.

I do not know where he lives now. I do not know where he works, which he does, if he is still chem-sex. The last thing I heard about him, he has many open unhealed wounds on his limps, I suspected they were Meth-mites. And at his illegal commercial-converted residential apartment, he hid a few nano-cameras set up to stream or record live sex act videos with his acquaintances without their consents. Maybe he could turn a profit doing so. I cannot care about this monster anymore.

Furthermore, after nine long and painful, weepy unproductive months, I finally decided to publish my story, thanks to many of my listeners who were willing to put up my sob-story. AND thank you for reading to this point. I hope it could serve as the beginning of a closure. A closure which Con had never even bothered to be dignified enough to offer. His ego wanted me to destroy me which it almost succeeded. His ego wanted someone to be always beneath him, to be enslaved in his palm, under his spell for never arise again.  When he saw his house of cards falling apart in March 2017, he decided to retract, deflect, show down the logic, be accusatory counterpoising the truth by abortion and yelled at me for unrelated events. He always told me I act like a child. Funnily, its such a Freud classic deflection. Only a toddler would throw a tantrum for no reason in order to hide behind his mistakes. And a toddler always selfishly does what he does without caring for other's feelings.

?MY BLAME

• I don't blame Con for passing the virus to me.

• I blame him for not at least give me the respect and dignity for helping him when he had no one else wanted to help him, not even his family was able to!

• I only blame him for trying to avoid and contact with me and any peace making effort I have made after I found out all the cheating and lies in March 2017.

• I blame him for being a coward. Only a coward looking to compensate his small little heart needed to penetrate every patron who steps into the sauna. It is not manhood, it is just additional STDs and a disgusting disturbing sexohoic behavior. He is far from being my dream man. If one has enough gut to carry out 3 years long confidence game, all the lies, cheats and embezzlement victimize a Good Samaritan, at least he should be man enough to step up and admit his plan and apologize after he got found out. Instead he pulled a crying toddler, screamed and yelled first made up excuses like "I ain't going to explain because YOU DO NOT LISTEN!" then shut down all communication. No wonder he loves Australia, where he could bury his head along with many ostriches.

• I blame him for dangling "there will be a day I will fuck you again" in front of me. But in reality, he decided never touch me again, because he loves bareback unprotected Chem-sex with different people too much. YET, never cut it off with me, let me hang out there to be grilled and tortured.

• I blame him for telling every fuck-buddy of his how desperate I have been doing all what I did just to get fucked by him again. And how crazy I was for ranting through SMS for no reason, just because he was the innocent hard working employee with no extra time for craziness.

• I blame him for not even acknowledged I was telling no lie when I told him about my HIV status.

• I blame him for took away 40 months of my thoughtfulness, money and time for his enjoyment.

• Lastly I blame all his censure against me. Everything that had happened to us, to him, he would spin some almost believable reasons to blow smoke up my ass, guilt me so I wouldn't ask questions he couldn't answer. He victimized himself and said I took away almost everything he had after we met, I made him falling for me, I made him losing his jobs.?

HIS BLAME

• He blamed his braces for his teeth when he caught his HIV. (LIE)

• He blames every person who violated him

• He blames his Starbucks manager for jealousy as the reason he was always under scrutiny then ultimately fired.

• He blames his entire body of staff at M+A firm for his cruel ejection.

• He blames his mother for not working after turning 60 so he had to take on sending money back home.

• He blamed his best Polish straight friend for not able to switch his triathlon training appointment to accommodate a lunch with him, that's why Con cut him off as a friend.

• He blames everything and everyone else for his misfortune, but he never blamed Crystal Meth

• He blames me for SMS him too much, so he could stop telling me he used my money to move out, being a pass-around patty, unfaithful, ungrateful and not to pay me back. It even gave him a license to treat me less than a plastic bag on the street.

• He blames me for finding out the truth on my own, getting out of his caged manipulation.

• He blames me for contacting to his ex-fiance and started to guide him to navigate through Con's lies, habits and behavior; what Con is capable of and his cruel intentions, his pattern of lies. That's why Con hates me to his core.

So, now you get the whole picture, you think I am capable to make up all these? I wish, I wish these never happened. I wish I have never got to the forbidden fruit of the devil. I paid a very very expensive price!

?This story was written by my whole heart, the whole 1/3 heart left by the monster. I had been so truthful in what I have been writing, because I needed this, I needed this to claim some of my self-esteem, self-worth and dignity back. English is not my first language, so please excuse my written errors. And more importantly, I want to record what happened with words in detail. It is not my place to warn you (you could be a new friend, new co-worker or employer, or a new love interest) to avoid any association with him, because some of us have to learn on our own — Exhibit B , that's me. I had a fully 4-D experience and paid the price literally, like I said I almost took my own life.

Most of you might think I started this online campaign is too harsh – for ruining one's reputation. Veraciously, no one can ruin anyone's reputation if it is not the truth. The truth always comes  I did not ruin his reputation, he had ruined it himself, I just told a story which had changed my life. Like all the sexual predator stories happened recently, we have to stop blaming the victim. I never wanted to be a victim, I just want to be happy. I had begged him to contact me, to talk over what happened. Let's be friends then, let's work out a payment plan while he was still with his ex-fiance, and I went to congratulated them! Afterall, I thought the pre-drug Con is still in there somewhere. I tried. No response after he told his ex-fiance that he doesn't crave to talk with me, that's all. He seems like he had moved on to his next target.

I have learned a valuable lesson, even after you tell someone you have forgiven what he did, let's befriend, you could still be treated as a nobody. There is no negotiation and you will be hated for the rest of your life. When his ego is displaced, his lies got exposed, his tracks surface, his Dreidel is lack of steam, that's the time he shut down and disown you. A Sociopath condemns others and never takes an ounce of responsibility. Also, I have learned think twice before you give, if so, DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING AT ALL in return. Not a dime, not a thank you, not a smile, not goodwill, not blessing or good karma, because helping someone does not guaranteed always-positive reward, and it could go south faster than spilled beans. From betrayal, remorse and hatred, you name it, sky is the limit. And I could not be more wrong thinking people are generally grateful. There are people like this horrific person walking on this planet, 25% of the population are sociopaths, they do not have a conscience, who would do anything to manipulate innocent people for her/his own benefits and agenda without guilt, and not stopping there, he would sell his mother for a price then pay you with blame, sorrow and denigration.